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Essentials for hosting the best Fourth of July BBQ  


Independence Day: The day Americans come together to celebrate the land of the free and the home of the brave. It’s sort of an ironic holiday these days, in which people post candid sparkler pictures with captions like “Proud to be an #American,” yet pretend they weren’t just arguing about healthcare or Trump’s collusion with Russia on Facebook the day prior. Uncle Sam sure would be proud.

Despite where you live or what your political views may be (really, no one cares), I think we can all agree that the Fourth of July holds a special place in our hearts, saved for pigging out on hot dogs and drinking a few too many brews. So whether you’re into politics or can’t name our current Secretary of State, here’s all you need to throw a 4th of July BBQ that might win you the election in 2020.


No need to go all crazy with sophisticated eats. I mean this is a BBQ, so keep it simple with good ‘ol American classics—burgers and dogs. Just make someone else do all the grilling. With a cold one in hand and a cheesy American flag apron to match his New Balances, there ain’t nothing a stand-in “Dad” can’t do. As far as the other food sitting out at parties (that no one really eats anyway), it’s a known fact that most (respectable) guests will bring an app or some booze, so take advantage, be grateful and add it to the table. If all else fails, there’s nothing more patriotic than an American Flag 7-layer nacho dip.

nacho dip

1 Can (14 oz.) Non Fat Refried Beans
1 Cup Hummus (I used Roasted Red Pepper)  Coupons
½ Packet (1.25 oz) Taco Seasoning (I used low sodium)
1 Jar (16 oz.) Chunky Red Salsa
1½ Cups Pico De Gallo
1½ Cups Guacamole
1 Cup Reduced Fat Monterey Jack Cheese, shredded
Optional Flag Topping:
Black Beans, drained and rinsed
Cherry Tomatoes, cut in half

In an 8 x 8 pan, spread the refried beans in an even layer. In a bowl, combine the hummus and half the package of taco seasoning. Mix well. Spread the hummus evenly on top of the beans. Top evenly with remaining layers starting with the chunky salsa and ending with the guacamole. Top with cheese and refrigerate for 2 hours before serving. Serve with your favorite chips!
Optional Flag Topping: Place a handful of black beans in the corner of the dip on top of the guacamole. Shape them into a square. Place the cherry tomato halves in a few straight lines alternating with lines of cheese in between.


Now for the reason most guests will want to come to your BBQ in the first place, the BOOZE. Spice things up this year with some red, white and blue Jell-O shots, like this recipe from our go-to for making the best and booziest drinks, The Tipsy Bartender, or easily whip up a hunch “independence” punch. However, if the goal isn’t to knock your guests out by sundown, a lighter option would be simple American crafts like Budweiser or Sam Adams.

american flag jello shots

Red Layer:
1 Pack EZ-Jell-O Strawberry Daiquiri Mix
2 1/2 cups (590 ml) Hot Water
1 1/2 cups (350 ml) UV Cherry Vodka

White Layer:
1 Pack EZ-Jello Pina Colada Mix
2 1/2 cups (590 ml) Hot Water
1 1/2 cups (350 ml) Coconut Rum

Blue Layer:
1 Pack EZ-Jello Blue Mai Tai
2 1/2 cups (590 ml) Hot Water
1 1/2 cups (350 ml) Blue Curacao

Refrigerate each layer before adding the next!

Activities (a.ka. Shit. To. Do.)

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone to a party and gotten way too “drunk bored” because I was just standing around waiting for anyone to throw some sucker in the pool. (Side note: I’m sorry if you’ve come so far in reading this article and don’t have a pool, because if not, don’t even bother throwing a party in South Florida.) There must be pool floaties (like this awesome Bald Eagle floatie), games (of course ones where drinking is involved) and a fireworks grand finale. In order to create the biggest and best fireworks show possible, it is critical you buy your fireworks from the side of the road. We’re talking Mortars, Roman Candles, Black Cats (and Bang Snaps for the kiddies, of course). The sketchier the street vendor, the better.  



As the hostess with the mostest, you’re gonna have to go all out with this one. As far as your ensemble goes, skip the basic AF American flag bikini and instead dress to impress. Try sporting a solid-colored one-piece with cute matching cutoffs. Is it a bathing suit? A body-suit? Keep your guests on their toes. But don’t forget that decorations are just as important. It’s essential your entire house looks like someone just threw up a thousand firecracker popsicles.  


You want to throw the best 4th of July BBQ this country’s ever seen? Don’t forget to hang your token American flag out in the front yard to let people know where the party’s at. For the love of a Quaker, do Betsy Ross some damn justice!



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